st.john....

uhh....the whole division was screwed upside down when kenneth came back,

he gave us a tongue lashing as unity was getting lesser and lesser in the divison,

like 1 member dislikes this member being the commmander and doesnt want to march,

during marching they will play a fool,not being serious,members back stabbing each other,

it's a reli sad sight.only kp,cs,william,XJ and yogern was serious when we were marching.

feels like we're reli off par.nothing seems to coming together.when we keluar baris,most of us

will come out with annoyed and pissed look.some of us lost our cool.....

everyone except cs,yes he is quite playful at times but during st.john marching,he doesnt make

jokes or do stupid stuff that will annoy people.i can say he is the more mature boy besides me,

he rarely loses his temper,makes fun during normal time,but he always thinks

maturely although he just acts stupid.he will be the right guy to ask for help or to help.

there's so much inside him but he never lets out.he always keeps a low profile.

and most importantly,he is realistic.he's definitely 1 of my closest friends.

yes i am going to leave lokman soon,but cs i'll definitely remember,all the joy he brought,haha.

and 1 more thing about me,when i see someone is doing wrong and being silly and live in a

fantasy world,i just give it straight in their face(i think all of you know my scolding vocabulary in school).

i've seen many girls in lokman who just treat boys like atm machine.they accept all the boys

expensive gifts,get some cash from them and then just break up,less than a month.

really that disgusts me.i wont name them.(i think maybe you all already)

and girls who just want to scrap money from boys and change boyfriends every month

i think their cheap,lowering their image.not much dignity in them.

and a particular friend of mine who really follows girls like a puppy,seriously.

1 minute you're talking to him,when he sees a girl he just walks off,leaving you there.

he is reli 很狗 in chinese i should say.(i think you guys might knoe who is he)

oh well,nothing else,just waiting to transfer school.

good luck guys

need some time

hmm.well i manage to get my straight A's in PMR.

yesterday my mom went to the education department for my school transfer,

he met up with the education officer which was a friend of her.

he said that i will have to study at lokman for 1 week first.

the education officer will help to get my school transfer process done faster.

so i guess starting of the year i'll be at lokman first~

well....everything needs time.hope that i'll be able to transfer sooner.

happy new year everyone!

24 december,the deciding christmas eve

yeah,i just came back from nst camp,

it was great,learned so many things(even though it was quite torturing but in a fun way)

i plan to change my life,for the better,do my best and live in the truth.

i just got news that 24 dec,christmas eve, was the day to get my pmr results.

i was hype and excited cause i was really desperately waiting for my results.

and it came quite early,i really wanted to get the result as soon as possible.

hopefully i'll get straight A's and then transfer to SBU.

and hopefully as well,god will bless me with the straight A's,

and it'll change my life,go to a better school and meet better people.

so yeah,just 4 more days to go.pray that god will bless me.

a trip to genting

ah....just came back from genting last week,

and reli...that trip was supposed to be a really fun trip,

came suddenly,left silently.....

last thursday was an outing with my friends.

it'll be like any other outing,

but this time it's juz a little special,cause a good friend who i've known for abt 3 years

is going out for his first time,since pmr is over,so yeah why not relax?

and he'll be going with us(all the buddies) and his girlfriend who i also knoe as she's

a prefect in school and a friend of mine as well,both of them got together around a month and a half ago.

well there was nth wrong when they started,they send sms but they didnt see each other.

another of my friend paired them together although both of them were at diffrent schools,

and that thursday outing was their first date.Well first we want rollerblading,

yeah it was fun,did fall once or twice.most of us learned how to rollerblade in abt an hour.

well he learned how to rollerblade as well,but his girlfriend didnt seem to accompany him.

so yeah i went help him out and he learned in instant,but they didnt seem to be together that time,

i already noticed something wrong,she didnt go to him and juz left him there....

don you think thats weird?they're together but not even getting together,

surely there is a problem.we were there until around 4pm when we decided

to leave and get some food,we were all tired with injured legs(including me).

so we were walking downfloor,and finally i saw them holding hands,yay!some action for once!

we ate at a taiwanese restaurant,the food was great,chicken chop rice,claypot noodles and many more.

after lunch we juz sat there and chat for awhile and everything seemed good that time.

after that,we went to times square and decided to chew the fat and have a cup of coffee.

but on the way there,he wanted to hold her hand again but she said she was tired and

didnt wanted to hold hands.things were getting worse for him,they couldnt even

chat with each other as they felt awkward towards each other,like if he said one word,

she will reply one word,nothing more.sometimes no reply at all.

he was telling me as we were chatting at oldtown how negative he felt,

he said that their relationship might not last,that they will break up.

true enough,the next day,they broke up allrite,he told me.

and i asked wat happened?and you knoe what he replied?

:she doesnt have feelings for me anymore,not like when we first started.

mm..i felt reli sorry for him.i juz said to him,

:dont worry man,i'll always watch after your back and dont take it too seriously allrite?

he is actually a very popular guy in his school,many girls are interested in him,

so he doesnt have to throw away his life for a girl like that.

and i juz found out from my buddies and their girlfriends that she wasnt loyal to any guy he was with,

she always changed boyfriends and they never last.

so yeah,my good friends' relationship with her lasted only 50 days.

she juz suddenly got together with him and now she juz left him silently,

now thats 1 girl i'll never get serious with cause she juz throws you away when the feeling runs out,as if it was petrol.

tragic isnt it?how relationship can juz break easily?.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE END(november 1st 2009)

any comments do post it on the chatbox,thanks guys

future at SBU

well,today i went to the school office to get my school transfer form,

mf,yogern and cs accompanied me to the office to get it,

i got the form,headmistress sign it and the clerk typed it.

headmistress put a (menyokong) at the form,encouraging me to transfer.

so yeah i got it,i didnt knoe whether i was happy or sad abt changing school,

it isnt official yet,but big chances i'm getting transferred.

so yeah,went back to class,sat on my table,and just thinking abt the transfer school thinggy.

moments,teacher came in,gave maths work,so i just did it until i finished it.

then oh well,i let powei see my school transfer form,she juz look at it,

and gave me hmm..hmm...congrats ur transfering to SBU.

i didnt knoe what to say,be happy or juz be sad?i'm not reli sure.

at last,i asked her a favor,i told her,

the friends at lokman are priceless,

yogern,edwin,keapei,chuansong,munfong,xiajun,weichun,suetyee,sienjuen,caiwey,jinwei,powei,

shulee,kim,hoongling,yining and many more....

i'll aways remember then,especially my brothers(兄弟-yogern,edwin,kp,cs,mf,xj and ac)

i will never ever forget them if i leave lokman(FRIENDS FOREVER)

all the good memories at lokman,i was always cherish,

as for the bad memories,i'll just have let it go.

going SBU will be a new fresh start for me,i'll hope for the best when i get there....

nie Questions from SL

questions from shu lee for nie magazine thingy

Survey for NIE Mag Contest1.Do you encourage teenagers to start a relationship with a person that the like/love?why?

erm....its ok to have a relationship with someone you love but you must be truthful and sincere abt your love and don't let it affect your studies.

2.Do you think teenagers are suitable to have a love relationship?

:yes...its suitable for teenagers to have a love relationship as they are growing up.

3.How old are you now? Did you have a relationship when you were a teenager?

:i'm 15 and yes i have a relationship when i'm a teenager.

4.Do you think your lover can influence you?

:but of course! and she influence me in a good way.

5.If you are a teacher, will you allow your students to have relationship?

:yes! i will allow but with advise so that they wont let love affect their grades but increase their grades.

6.Due to teenagers' dating, write your own opinions about it.

:teenagers dating is the normal thing in the 21st century but as long as you are sincere abt your love and don't do anything that you might regret in future,its ok to have a relationship.love is sweet.....

5-5-09

things are reli getting wilder at school....

haha,my buddy and having a great time with the girl he likes,

this is a special date for them(18-5-09),the date to seal the deal.

good luck buddy,you're gonna need it.

my good amah rachel birthday is today,

and yes i wished her but i didnt went to her birthday bash at times square,

cos my smart little elder brother forgot to call me to go!

and i missed all the fun!(dam you choon tik for forgetting to tell me abt the party)

i said i'm gonna buy something nice for rachel but she said no nid la....

got the heart can liao...and she pat me on the back...

so....i wanted to say sorry to you amah,for being a bad son...(curse you choon tik!)JK la

and it was the day we will take measurements for making our blazers..

hehehe,i figured i'll look good in it...so all of us got measured from

top to bottom,left to right and they even measure out butts.....(i wonder why...)

gosh...it was a reli tiring day with 6 pieces of malay essays to do...

oh well......luckily i've finished it.

i was quite free after finishing all the malay essays,so i keep thinking of my past....

the most hurting part is when i thought abt trying to pikat girls.

haiz...i've seen so many of my buddies getting hurt when pikat girls,including myself.

sometimes when you think the girl likes you....they actually don give a D*** abt you.

sometimes you don even mean anything to her.

hmm.....but still its no harm trying to go dating.1 of my friends is dating everyday...

you knoe who you people are,and i wish you guys happiness la.

and ***** pls don do anything stupid ya.....

all the best to everyone in their life......

easter......is he alive?

easter was last saturday,

rachel invited me to a musical at bukit jalil by calvary.

she said if i didnt go she would ignore me...

so oh well,i did went.meet up with choon tik and

took the lrt.got off at bukit jalil station and waited for

other people,hmm....jason and kah yan sister and others.

around 7.30,we were still waiting when choon tik saw rachel at the bottom of the station.

she called us to come down so we did.

she was looking fine that day,white dress,short skirt,cute shoes

and pretty.She called choon tok Zai(son),i was curious why she called him that

oh well...rachel ws taking step sons(sort of).

then she suddenly called me Zai as well, and thank me for coming.

so she was my ama now.it all happened quite fast.

then rachel friend came and we went to the stadium.

it was quite packed but rachel still manage to find good seats for us.(thz a lot)

the musical started and it was abt the day when jesus christ was born,

i've seen many times of easter musical,but this time it was different.

my life that time and now wasnt reli well,family all broken up

and my mother suddenly moved back and stay with me,

messing my life up,she hates me going to chruch,

cause my mother broke up with my dad because he went to church.

and my mothers thinks my dad is having an affair when he goes to church.

so he hates christianity and christ,anything thats has to do with jesus christ.

i donoe why,i've been a christian for 2 years,i went to camps,

i always prayed for a better life,a family,but nth happens

everything becomes worse.its like god forsaken me.

during the musical,jason was sitting beside but he had a small accident

so he went of for awhile to check something up.

then rachel came and sit beside,smiling and asking me am i allright?

are you ok zai?why arent you watching the musical?why the long face?

then i told her everything, when i told her i came from a broken family,

she said :give me 5!

i was likewith a reli shocked face,wat the?

then she rachel said that she too came from a broken family.

i was shocked,not many people have broken family like me,but she does,

i told her abt my painful life,my sad experiences,

she understand my feelings,she know how to comfort me,

then i told her:i lost faith rachel,god seemed to have forsaken me,god gave up on me.

then she put her hands 0n my lap and said:don say that zai,god loves you,god is testing you.

look at your ama,i turned out ok right?

my heart was in pain,tears was flowing a little at my eyes,

then i told her:why does god test humans when he knoe we're weak,i've been waiting for 2 years

for a change but god isnt helping me,it all gets worse.

rachel spoke in a low voice:it'll be ok,juz dont lose faith,K?you have to be strong.

then jason came back and his leg was ok,juz bruised a bit.

when the musical was finished,so we went out of the stadium.

rachel was going back with her church friends and when she left

she said:love you tze ing and don lose faith,bye...

and thats was it,took the lrt home and choon tik's mom gave me a lift back home.

that easter was the most memoriable,i've gained so much.

a amah who understnads me,loves me.

but god,hasnt change my life for the good.

and thz rachel for everything,i felt better when i went out with you.

ur the greatest amah i could have....love you rachel....

thz for making me ur zai.....

the importance of chienese?

well,last chienese class....

as all of you knoe that i wont be taking BC for PMR

the reason is i cant score in BC and i will probably get a C...

so it was the right choice that time....

then miss.ng hoho(BC teacher)

she is good teacher,always doing her best to improve our class chienese.

still i didnt take chinese,cos i'm more of an english person

speak english at home,outside

only more chienese at scholl(only the speaking la)

then miss.ng suddenly talk abt the importance of chienese,

she said western countries is coming down,and china is building up

and maybe china will control the economy or even the world.

she was trying to get us to take Bc for pmr ,

but after thinking awhile,not taking was the best choice

cos i aint reli good in BC,i never got an A though,

mostly C or rarely D.

all of my friends was looking at me and in chienese they say

:ya hear that tze ing?BC is important,bla bla bla....

but i juz ignore them,some of them cant even master standard 6 english yet.

and their chienese is also not very satisfying...

so the best is English,the international language.

who knoes in future,china might fall to the ground.

cos obama is doing his best to improve his country and the world....

time will tell us the answers.

wat do you guys think?

time.....love....

it was valentine's yesterday

and love was all around....

hoong ling got my roses from leo club(kinda half dead roses)

i said i'll get something else for her....she juz smile and said thz..

everybody in school thinks i have a girlfriend but she is actually juz a friend....

i mean ya she did went out with me and hug me,but she juz said that we're juz best friend...

so we're not reli counted as GF-Bf relationship

actually....i still like someone from school,i tried to get her in form 1

but it didnt turn out well...

now that we're form3,many things have changed..

our minds has been matured now....

i was talking to her yesterday at assembly....

she will always look down and unenergized,not much confidence in her....

but she is a beauty....

when i was talking to her,i notice she does not feel safe with boys...

i felt that she had problems in her heart....but not letting it out..

i told her that she can share her problems with me but she said no..

she shares with her mom and sis.i was trying to take her out after intervensi...

but she said possibly cant come or see first(the standard answer of not sure).

later...while we were painting the school walls...

i said in a jokingly maatter that she cant do painting...

the next thing she will juz shout at me and say your noisy tze ing,shut up.

well...it hurt that time.so i juz continue with the painting.

when i was back in class i could she she still look irritated.

so i when up and apologized and she juz nod her head.

not much of a reaction its ok.

as school was abt to end and i was on thew way home with my buddies

i saw her and greet her a happy valentine's.

she juz smiled and said same to you too.

i never told my true feelings to her.....cos i'm afraid that i will lose her...

i don have much time in KL now.....i might migrate to penang and further my studies there...

which means nvr seeing her again.....nvr telling my true feelings to her.

i hope time can give me the solution now... for i don wanna regret this year.....

i'll be waiting for the right time to tell her my feelings....

holiday boredeem

holidays been boring

nth much to do

Rainy days.....and a retard friend

its been raining nowadays...

it kept me thinking a lot of things...

i've been working hard to improve my maths(hope can get better marks lo...)

i hope my mom could lay off and stop telling me wat to do....

it also made me think of the past....

i thought of the hapy times of my life....

i also thought of the hell i've gone thru in my life...

i was glad i had my father,he was with when i gone thru those times....

i have cried so many times when i was small.....

i never want my own family to be like my fahter's

i always loved my dad and my stepmom....

they were always supporting...

when in came to girls....

i never succeed....especially the last time

when YJ tore my heart,i feel helpless

do good to other people and you juz get backstabbed

well,the wound hasnt reli heal yet,

luckily there was my friends to comfort me,

shu lee juz know wat my heart was made off..

hehe,maybe she juz understands boys....

hoong ling aslo supported me,but nothing came out anyway......

A Retard Friend
well,there was 1 of my friends who is a real retard but like to act cool....

he purposely want to tell everyone he wants to talk to like powei jie jie,

and he simply call other girls jiejie

me and other boys see him,and feels like he retard

in a real retarded way,everytime i see Yj i wont reli talk to her,

then this retarded friend will say why juz over this incident u don talk to her?

then i juz tell the retard juz shut up and mind ur own business....

this retarded friend of mine thinks he is the most popular boy among the girls...

but he actually juz want to LCLy lo....most of the girls call him BAi Chi(means stupid)

......this retard don win me much la....study lose,basketbal lose,shorter than me,and his

face skin very thick....don scared malu loh.

and he like to criticise other ppl and he himself is already a retard....

overall,he is quite a retard who thinks he is the best lo...

leave him be and let him live in his own world

until next time......

last 2 week.....i went back to church

i felt happy....i went in the sanctuary...

i saw all my friends....aoran.....joshua....andy....veng lye

but when i went in....chengching was there at the counter..

taking attenddence...she was smiling....there were many children there....

when she saw me......the first thing she ask me was

:where have you been?u haven came back for a very longtime....

then i juz said

:i was busy with school....

when service started..i felt sad....

that time was the last time i will be there.....

my mother wants me to go tuisyen for form 3.....

i couldnt say no cause at the end we will be argueing....

tuisyen was kinda like part of my life now...

my mom force me to go...

i had no choice....

when service ended,i say goodbye to everybody...

especially veng lye,he's like brother ....

when i was abt to leave....chengching came to me and ask

:will you be back?

then i said

:no...this will be the last time i will ever be here

with a sad tone she ask me again

:why?wat happened?

i told her

:i have to go tuisyen....my mother force me go

she ask me again

:ur parents not christian?

i answered her onli my dad and my stepmother are christian..

then she said

:when will i see you again?

then i tell her

:i donoe,but i will try to come back when i can...i promise,i'm sorry

i left the sanctuary....tears was flowing on my eyes.....

i wonder when i will be back....i don think i will

maybe next year....or a few more years later....i donoe

everyday i think of her....before i sleep or when i wake up

i onli think of chengching....i miss her everyday

i wanna go back...i wanna see her...

live for a better life

so many things happened

i always end up feeling sorry for myself

i should live to be a better person.....

live for a better life

don hanve to feel sad and down everyday

actually,i'm quite a lucky person

i always have good friends who always support me

KP,Shu lee,CS and ling ling.

you guys help me a lot.

you guys are the best.

i've made up my mind

never to feel sad over a girl problem

for there are many chances in my life yet(if i do live till that day)

thanks guys

i'm gonna be a happy man

starting tomorrow

for if anything happens again,i will always have my friends supporting me......