5-5-09

things are reli getting wilder at school....

haha,my buddy and having a great time with the girl he likes,

this is a special date for them(18-5-09),the date to seal the deal.

good luck buddy,you're gonna need it.

my good amah rachel birthday is today,

and yes i wished her but i didnt went to her birthday bash at times square,

cos my smart little elder brother forgot to call me to go!

and i missed all the fun!(dam you choon tik for forgetting to tell me abt the party)

i said i'm gonna buy something nice for rachel but she said no nid la....

got the heart can liao...and she pat me on the back...

so....i wanted to say sorry to you amah,for being a bad son...(curse you choon tik!)JK la

and it was the day we will take measurements for making our blazers..

hehehe,i figured i'll look good in it...so all of us got measured from

top to bottom,left to right and they even measure out butts.....(i wonder why...)

gosh...it was a reli tiring day with 6 pieces of malay essays to do...

oh well......luckily i've finished it.

i was quite free after finishing all the malay essays,so i keep thinking of my past....

the most hurting part is when i thought abt trying to pikat girls.

haiz...i've seen so many of my buddies getting hurt when pikat girls,including myself.

sometimes when you think the girl likes you....they actually don give a D*** abt you.

sometimes you don even mean anything to her.

hmm.....but still its no harm trying to go dating.1 of my friends is dating everyday...

you knoe who you people are,and i wish you guys happiness la.

and ***** pls don do anything stupid ya.....

all the best to everyone in their life......

easter......is he alive?

easter was last saturday,

rachel invited me to a musical at bukit jalil by calvary.

she said if i didnt go she would ignore me...

so oh well,i did went.meet up with choon tik and

took the lrt.got off at bukit jalil station and waited for

other people,hmm....jason and kah yan sister and others.

around 7.30,we were still waiting when choon tik saw rachel at the bottom of the station.

she called us to come down so we did.

she was looking fine that day,white dress,short skirt,cute shoes

and pretty.She called choon tok Zai(son),i was curious why she called him that

oh well...rachel ws taking step sons(sort of).

then she suddenly called me Zai as well, and thank me for coming.

so she was my ama now.it all happened quite fast.

then rachel friend came and we went to the stadium.

it was quite packed but rachel still manage to find good seats for us.(thz a lot)

the musical started and it was abt the day when jesus christ was born,

i've seen many times of easter musical,but this time it was different.

my life that time and now wasnt reli well,family all broken up

and my mother suddenly moved back and stay with me,

messing my life up,she hates me going to chruch,

cause my mother broke up with my dad because he went to church.

and my mothers thinks my dad is having an affair when he goes to church.

so he hates christianity and christ,anything thats has to do with jesus christ.

i donoe why,i've been a christian for 2 years,i went to camps,

i always prayed for a better life,a family,but nth happens

everything becomes worse.its like god forsaken me.

during the musical,jason was sitting beside but he had a small accident

so he went of for awhile to check something up.

then rachel came and sit beside,smiling and asking me am i allright?

are you ok zai?why arent you watching the musical?why the long face?

then i told her everything, when i told her i came from a broken family,

she said :give me 5!

i was likewith a reli shocked face,wat the?

then she rachel said that she too came from a broken family.

i was shocked,not many people have broken family like me,but she does,

i told her abt my painful life,my sad experiences,

she understand my feelings,she know how to comfort me,

then i told her:i lost faith rachel,god seemed to have forsaken me,god gave up on me.

then she put her hands 0n my lap and said:don say that zai,god loves you,god is testing you.

look at your ama,i turned out ok right?

my heart was in pain,tears was flowing a little at my eyes,

then i told her:why does god test humans when he knoe we're weak,i've been waiting for 2 years

for a change but god isnt helping me,it all gets worse.

rachel spoke in a low voice:it'll be ok,juz dont lose faith,K?you have to be strong.

then jason came back and his leg was ok,juz bruised a bit.

when the musical was finished,so we went out of the stadium.

rachel was going back with her church friends and when she left

she said:love you tze ing and don lose faith,bye...

and thats was it,took the lrt home and choon tik's mom gave me a lift back home.

that easter was the most memoriable,i've gained so much.

a amah who understnads me,loves me.

but god,hasnt change my life for the good.

and thz rachel for everything,i felt better when i went out with you.

ur the greatest amah i could have....love you rachel....

thz for making me ur zai.....

the importance of chienese?

well,last chienese class....

as all of you knoe that i wont be taking BC for PMR

the reason is i cant score in BC and i will probably get a C...

so it was the right choice that time....

then miss.ng hoho(BC teacher)

she is good teacher,always doing her best to improve our class chienese.

still i didnt take chinese,cos i'm more of an english person

speak english at home,outside

only more chienese at scholl(only the speaking la)

then miss.ng suddenly talk abt the importance of chienese,

she said western countries is coming down,and china is building up

and maybe china will control the economy or even the world.

she was trying to get us to take Bc for pmr ,

but after thinking awhile,not taking was the best choice

cos i aint reli good in BC,i never got an A though,

mostly C or rarely D.

all of my friends was looking at me and in chienese they say

:ya hear that tze ing?BC is important,bla bla bla....

but i juz ignore them,some of them cant even master standard 6 english yet.

and their chienese is also not very satisfying...

so the best is English,the international language.

who knoes in future,china might fall to the ground.

cos obama is doing his best to improve his country and the world....

time will tell us the answers.

wat do you guys think?

time.....love....

it was valentine's yesterday

and love was all around....

hoong ling got my roses from leo club(kinda half dead roses)

i said i'll get something else for her....she juz smile and said thz..

everybody in school thinks i have a girlfriend but she is actually juz a friend....

i mean ya she did went out with me and hug me,but she juz said that we're juz best friend...

so we're not reli counted as GF-Bf relationship

actually....i still like someone from school,i tried to get her in form 1

but it didnt turn out well...

now that we're form3,many things have changed..

our minds has been matured now....

i was talking to her yesterday at assembly....

she will always look down and unenergized,not much confidence in her....

but she is a beauty....

when i was talking to her,i notice she does not feel safe with boys...

i felt that she had problems in her heart....but not letting it out..

i told her that she can share her problems with me but she said no..

she shares with her mom and sis.i was trying to take her out after intervensi...

but she said possibly cant come or see first(the standard answer of not sure).

later...while we were painting the school walls...

i said in a jokingly maatter that she cant do painting...

the next thing she will juz shout at me and say your noisy tze ing,shut up.

well...it hurt that time.so i juz continue with the painting.

when i was back in class i could she she still look irritated.

so i when up and apologized and she juz nod her head.

not much of a reaction its ok.

as school was abt to end and i was on thew way home with my buddies

i saw her and greet her a happy valentine's.

she juz smiled and said same to you too.

i never told my true feelings to her.....cos i'm afraid that i will lose her...

i don have much time in KL now.....i might migrate to penang and further my studies there...

which means nvr seeing her again.....nvr telling my true feelings to her.

i hope time can give me the solution now... for i don wanna regret this year.....

i'll be waiting for the right time to tell her my feelings....

holiday boredeem

holidays been boring

nth much to do

Rainy days.....and a retard friend

its been raining nowadays...

it kept me thinking a lot of things...

i've been working hard to improve my maths(hope can get better marks lo...)

i hope my mom could lay off and stop telling me wat to do....

it also made me think of the past....

i thought of the hapy times of my life....

i also thought of the hell i've gone thru in my life...

i was glad i had my father,he was with when i gone thru those times....

i have cried so many times when i was small.....

i never want my own family to be like my fahter's

i always loved my dad and my stepmom....

they were always supporting...

when in came to girls....

i never succeed....especially the last time

when YJ tore my heart,i feel helpless

do good to other people and you juz get backstabbed

well,the wound hasnt reli heal yet,

luckily there was my friends to comfort me,

shu lee juz know wat my heart was made off..

hehe,maybe she juz understands boys....

hoong ling aslo supported me,but nothing came out anyway......

A Retard Friend
well,there was 1 of my friends who is a real retard but like to act cool....

he purposely want to tell everyone he wants to talk to like powei jie jie,

and he simply call other girls jiejie

me and other boys see him,and feels like he retard

in a real retarded way,everytime i see Yj i wont reli talk to her,

then this retarded friend will say why juz over this incident u don talk to her?

then i juz tell the retard juz shut up and mind ur own business....

this retarded friend of mine thinks he is the most popular boy among the girls...

but he actually juz want to LCLy lo....most of the girls call him BAi Chi(means stupid)

......this retard don win me much la....study lose,basketbal lose,shorter than me,and his

face skin very thick....don scared malu loh.

and he like to criticise other ppl and he himself is already a retard....

overall,he is quite a retard who thinks he is the best lo...

leave him be and let him live in his own world

until next time......

last 2 week.....i went back to church

i felt happy....i went in the sanctuary...

i saw all my friends....aoran.....joshua....andy....veng lye

but when i went in....chengching was there at the counter..

taking attenddence...she was smiling....there were many children there....

when she saw me......the first thing she ask me was

:where have you been?u haven came back for a very longtime....

then i juz said

:i was busy with school....

when service started..i felt sad....

that time was the last time i will be there.....

my mother wants me to go tuisyen for form 3.....

i couldnt say no cause at the end we will be argueing....

tuisyen was kinda like part of my life now...

my mom force me to go...

i had no choice....

when service ended,i say goodbye to everybody...

especially veng lye,he's like brother ....

when i was abt to leave....chengching came to me and ask

:will you be back?

then i said

:no...this will be the last time i will ever be here

with a sad tone she ask me again

:why?wat happened?

i told her

:i have to go tuisyen....my mother force me go

she ask me again

:ur parents not christian?

i answered her onli my dad and my stepmother are christian..

then she said

:when will i see you again?

then i tell her

:i donoe,but i will try to come back when i can...i promise,i'm sorry

i left the sanctuary....tears was flowing on my eyes.....

i wonder when i will be back....i don think i will

maybe next year....or a few more years later....i donoe

everyday i think of her....before i sleep or when i wake up

i onli think of chengching....i miss her everyday

i wanna go back...i wanna see her...